It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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