the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
