It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
