All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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