if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
