I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
