Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
