We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
