We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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