GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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