i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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