Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
