And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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