ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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