I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
