I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
