Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
