I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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