4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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