Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
