I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
