It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
