Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
