Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
