Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
