is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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