When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
