we have officially lost it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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