i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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