I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
