i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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