He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
