i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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