David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
