my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
