I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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