believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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