I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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