your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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