Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
