I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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