Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
