He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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