Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The ass gains better be worth it
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