at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
