Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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