I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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