We're facebook friends in real life
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
