sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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