I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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