I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
